I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
