Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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