The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
