Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
