Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
