I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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