I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
