why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
