help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
