screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
