god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
