I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
