I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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