whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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