In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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