the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
