Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
