My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
