I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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