She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
