i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize