I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
