Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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