Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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