My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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