I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
