I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
