i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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