we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
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I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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