did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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