Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
