dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
that's an acceptable place to lick
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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