hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
