youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
