farters have to be the big spoon...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
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Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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