Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
