I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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