i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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