oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
either way he was missing a nipple.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
