Your face is a jimmy john
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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