There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
