i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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