there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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