we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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