Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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