I just saw a hot homeless man
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my poor anus
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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