So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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