My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
