Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
