Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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