apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
