They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
