Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
