in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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