And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
