He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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