Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
