I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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