There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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