i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
