Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
