WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Found your dick twin last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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