yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
