OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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