so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
