I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
