i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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