3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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