Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
