so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
