So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
