You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
