you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
