I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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