If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize