Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
