We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
