Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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