i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
