He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
