i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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