Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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